The Plaid Miniskirt
by hyperspastic-superhero-girl
Summary: After a night of too much drinking, Sasuke must search for answers.


**Warning:** This is a Sasunaru, which makes it Yaoi, so if that bothers you, you should leave….. [Points to back button]. No smut though, boo hoo

**Summary:** A night of too much drinking has Sasuke scrambling for answers… Is anybody else curious about the plaid miniskirt?

I don't own Naruto.

I know I should be writing Helping People, but it depresses me and it doesn't have many fans so… I thought I would try something new (hopefully you'll like this better?).

This story was inspired by the pineapple episode of 'How I Met Your Mother' I'm unsure how much of it is the same (I haven't seen it in a long time) but I seem to have the ability to unconsciously quote things…Yeah it happens all the time, so if it's too close and boring I'm sorry. Me no own "How I Met Your Mother' either.

**The Plaid Miniskirt **

Sasuke slowly sat up in his king size bed, opening his gritty black eyes while holding his pounding head and groaned, "I'm never drinking again. Fuck." He made a disgusted face, full lips twisting as he ran his tongue across even white teeth, "Ugh, My mouth tastes like something crawled in it and died." He felt a twinge from his shoulder, "Ow," rubbing his sore shoulder; he wondered when it had been injured.

A low half-asleep moan emanated from the other side of his bed and the stoic man just barely prevented himself from doing a comic double take.

There was someone sleeping in his bed, someone that he had never seen before….. A naked male someone. The mystery man was face down in the middle of the bed, arms flung out to both sides, clearly demonstrating that he usually slept alone. Bright blond hair stuck up in all directions on his head, creamy caramel colored skin covered a slender but muscular back and encased a tight round ass peaking out of the dark blue cotton sheet crumpled at his waist.

Sasuke's mouth went dry, he licked his lips as he could practically taste the saltiness of the man's skin, feel the silkiness of it on his fingertips. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. The guy was fucking hot, Sasuke was impressed with himself, but this was unexpected. He really should figure out exactly who this guy is.

Taking an inventory of the rest of his room, Sasuke wondered if there were any more surprises lurking somewhere, maybe in his bathroom or behind the dresser. He half expected his friends to jump out yelling 'gotcha!' or something, indicating this was a prank and he hadn't really had sex with a complete stranger. But no, there was no sign of anyone and his room looked the same as it did before they'd left for the bar last night, well except for the bits of clothing scattered about.

There was a crumpled pair of jeans in a corner, his, a bright orange T-shirt on the floor at the end of the bed, not his…Wait, is that a plaid miniskirt draped on the back of his desk chair? What the fuck happened last night?

He searched his memory of the night before and came up with almost nothing, a few flashes only, swirling around in his head like a kaleidoscope, set to the tune of The Imperial March…Weird. Strangely enough those images were quarters, a clown and a stripper pole… the last two frightened him a bit. The last thing Sasuke clearly remembered was going to the bar with his two roommates, and his other two close friends. He felt the panic edging into his consciousness, his breath sped up.

'Get a grip Sasuke,' he chastised himself silently, 'You're an Uchiha. Uchihas don't panic, they remain calm and collected or get enraged, but they do not panic.' Taking a deep breath, he calmed himself.

He would just go find his roommates; surely they remembered what had happened. They didn't even have anything to drink, they'd just dared him to down five shots of tequila in quick succession, because apparently he was too uptight and needed to turn his brain off occasionally. Lousy friends.

Sasuke grumbled under his breath as he slid sideways out of his bed, carefully so as not to disturb the other occupant. He pulled on a pair of grey sweats and an old black Tool t-shirt. Entering the living room, he glared evil death at his perfectly bright and alert roommates that were sitting side by side on the couch.

"Good morning sunshine!" Ino, not even flinching under Sasuke's glare of death, held out her hand, proffering a mug full of hot caffeinated elixir of life, "Coffee?"

Sasuke grunted his thanks, sitting in one of the two overstuffed green recliners that completed their living room ensemble, he sipped his strong black coffee slowly.

"Hung over?" Chouji, his best friend and Ino's longtime boyfriend, asked with a concerned look and a wince.

"Hn," He nodded, still sipping his coffee, he then put his mug on the coffee table in front of the couch, "What the hell happened last night?"

"Blackout?" Chouji looked shocked. The tall but still chubby sous-chef at a downtown five star restaurant had never known him to blackout.

"Okay, we'll tell you what happened." Ino rubbed her hands together like a bond villain, the psychiatrist has a bit of a penchant for the dramatic.

**The Night Before…**

The five friends sat in their favorite booth in the small bar down the street from Sasuke's, Ino's and Chouji's apartment. The other two were Sakura, who had a late night cable talk show, and Kiba who worked at a mysterious company downtown that he refused to tell them much about.

"Sasuke, you're never going to find a serious boyfriend if you keep overthinking things." Kiba, being the loudmouth he was, had decided his friend somehow needed unsolicited advice on his love life. "You know what you need buddy?" He got up and went to the bar.

"Better friends?" Sasuke quipped with a raised eyebrow.

"Alcohol!" Kiba set a tray with five shot glasses full of clear liquid in front of Sasuke on the table.

"Idiot," Black eyes glared, "I hardly think…"

"Right! You need to not think! You think way too much, about everything." Kiba had a big grin on his face, "Don't think, drink!" He struck his fist on the booth table repeatedly, chanting 'drink'. He was soon joined by the rest of the table of instigators.

"Whatever, Shut up."

"Drink! Drink! Drink!" The chanting continued.

"If I do this, none of you will say a thing to me about my lack of love life, Ever Again, deal?" He looked around the table black eyes sharp as razors.

The others had the conscience to look sheepish, "Deal." They said one by one as they were prompted by the death glare.

Sasuke took each shot and downed them one by one, setting the empty glasses upside down on the tray.

**A short time later…**

"Take that, Kiba!" Sasuke laughed from across the bar, holding up his phone, trying to give evidence of yet another number scored from bar patrons.

"See! That's what I'm talking about, Sasuke. When you cut loose, good things happen!"

"Drunk Sasuke is fun," Ino commented as she and the other four friends watched their normally stoic friend skip about the bar, making a general nuisance of himself, asking random people if they had quarters, because he and his friends want to play a drinking game but they have too few quarters. "But we should get him home before he hurts himself," she continued as their drunk friend held onto a support in the middle of the bar, leaning over sideways toward the floor, laughing hysterically.

Just then Sasuke fell off the two foot tall cement platform holding the pole, banging his shoulder on the floor, then remarked about having to throw up and ran for the bathroom.

He came out a few minutes later and Ino, Chouji and he went back to their apartment. They helped him into his bed. "I love you guys," He said as he scrunched down into the covers.

"Love you too," Ino replied as they shut the door.

**Back to present…**

"That doesn't explain the naked man in my bed." Sasuke commented offhand.

"There's a naked man in your bed!?"

Sasuke's eyebrow rose at Ino's shocked comment implying that he wasn't attractive enough to have someone follow him home.

They all ran quietly to Sasuke's bedroom and peeked in the door.

"Ooh, He's hot. Wait, isn't that your brother's boyfriend?"

"Don't be ridiculous, are you blind? He doesn't look anything like Deidara, his ass is much better for one…" He trailed off, realizing that he had just admitted to looking at Itachi's boyfriend's ass.

"Is anybody else wondering about that plaid miniskirt?" Chouji said after the door was shut.

"So what the hell else happened?" Sasuke wondered.

"I can answer that," Kiba was in the doorway, holding a box of donuts.

TBC?

Review please, it's kind of cheesy and maybe a little hokey but still cute. If you liked it I'll write more. (Well more quickly anyway )

P.S. just a clue in case anyone wants to know, this will not end like the episode. (if anyone's seen it…who has? show of hands.) Anyway how could you have slept with someone repeatedly and not recognize their naked body even from the back, I mean really, derp.

I basically wrote this because I thought writing a drunk Sasuke would be fun, although I actually think he would be one of those 'I'll stand in the corner and glare because the room is spinning and I don't like it' drunks, but what's the fun in that? (no offense Stina)

Hopefully I didn't insult NPH too much by having him played by Kiba… Suit up, Sasuke!


End file.
